Reflection 4. Sitting Targets

I remember when I went to daily mass in a Catholic church in those first few months after leaving the Radha Soami Satsang Beas path, my mind was sometimes attacked by the most repulsive thoughts. This cleansing process lasted for about 4 months with some days at church being far worse than others. If I had given my heart to Jesus and got baptised a bit earlier on I might have been spared this stage but it is interesting that such ugly thoughts were in my mind during church. The same thoughts were in my mind on and off during my years of Sant Mat meditations which raises quite a few questions about the source of these projections. They can't have been coming from God. I know in Sant Mat teachings these sorts of images are described as sanskaras but that's a bit too broad, convenient and unscientific for me. I just wonder how many other satsangis are currently meditating and being attacked with these sorts of filthy, disgusting and disturbing images. Unfortunately for satsangis there is nowhere for them to turn as their suffering is completely isolated and alone in the quiet hours of the morning or night. As I now have the real protection of Jesus Christ I think satsangis are a very vulnerable group of people. The very nature of the Radha Soami Satsang Beas path isolates people from each other which makes them sitting targets.

I remember I was once attending satsang here in Auckland among a couple of hundred other followers and a person went into an unconscious state and started shaking quite violently around on the floor. So someone held his head while he shook for about 20 minutes which seemed endless. This disturbed me greatly at the time as he could have been having an epileptic fit but it was just assumed he was in some form of spiritual trance. Again I think this man was vulnerable and due to Sant Mat belief, at risk.

So the real hurdle of a satsangi is breaking the silence and reaching out to someone. If you have no one to talk to and things are not exactly as you would have imagined, then feel free to email me on christsthunder@gmail.com . Your own experiences might not be like mine but I bet there are some common themes that we can share. I hope and pray you make the first step as I did.

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